I have this amazing friend I met on my 2nd day of grad school when I moved to Florida and she has been my best friend for 6 1/2 years now. She is a great person and has a wonderful heart. In 2009, her first month of no bc pill (well she forgot it for a few days so just stopped so it wasnt even a full month) she got pregnant. At the time I had no idea of our issues of course and was beyond thrilled for her and still am. She welcome a darling daughter last March. Well they started trying again for #2. We were talking and I realized we were on the same schedule almost to the day this month so I believe she was ovulating the same few days I was. I texted her the news today and asked if she had anything yet and she said no, she was still waiting. Of course I am happy for her and hopeful but I would be lying if there wasn't a part of me that wishes it would not be this month. Maybe next month but not this time. She doesn't even have a 1 year old yet and as of this minute she's more pregnant than I am.
What it makes me do (I've done A LOT of shoveling today so unfortunately it's a lot of quiet time to think) - is wonder what I did wrong to someone, somewhere along the line to get here. I am not a perfect person by any means and I haven't always been the best person I should be but I'm not terrible. I have always tried to be nice to everyone, not hurt peoples feelings because I felt bad. My other thought is it because I don't go to church anymore? My friend is very religious, waited until she got married and poof, pregnant on the first try. I believe in all the Christian stuff and I pray every night in bed but I do not go to church. I know thats ridiculous because a lot of religious people have problems and a lot of non-religous people don't have problems but that's where my head is.
Anyway - there, that's out, time to move on. Time to look forward. Take this opportunity to have another month to do what it is we need to, to take care of things and look towards what next month could bring! Plus, I truly feel like if it's any month it's going to work it's next month or the one after. The reason I think this is I've always said I don't want an end of Nov or Dec baby because my darling 'nephew' is the end of Nov and my MIL is the end of Dec. This was all pre all this drama. Now, who the heck cares when the birthday is! My child will be loved no matter what by us and that's all that matters!
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