tomorrow we begin

Well, a fellow 'aunt' came into town on Sunday.  Only 44 days this time instead of 62 so it was kind of like a bonus.  With her arrival means timing is very important to begin any fertility pills as day 5 is tomorrow.  I called the dr Tuesday morning, first apologizing for being 'that girl' and calling her first and secondly saying we have to get moving.  For the record, I am not 100% on board.  I don't know why but I'm not.  Well I kind of know why, I want it to just happen naturally, as I'm sure most woman do.  At this point, there isn't anything wrong with me.  All the blood work is fine.  Dave's (hubs) test came back and she said the volume was a little low but the count was good.  She said that 55% of the swimmers are moving well, a good percentage according to her.  She feels that at this point, inseminiation isn't necessary so to start just with the pills.

I have been going back and forth - not sure what to do.  I just feel like things will happen when they are supposed to.  Then I read about so many people that can't get pregnant or have such a hard time and I feel like that isn't supposed to but the other part of me says well they are 'supposed' to have problems, for whatever reason, to get them to the child they are supposed to be with.  So I'm trying to approach this in that way, this is just the path to take.  A part of me says if I just wait a few more months, get to the year mark like so many people who conceive naturally get too and see then.  I wasn't going to take the pills this month, I was going to wait another month and see if 'flo' would come normally next month.  Since I went from 62 days to 44 I'm like maybe my body is regulating itself so there is no need for the pills.

I asked Dave his honest opinion, not taking my feelings into consideration.  He said he would like to start them.  His reasoning is its not like I was 35 days so it was close to the normal time.  At 44 it's still just a random number.  Plus he turns 30 this summer (boy is he getting old!) and we want at least 2 children (really though if we are only supposed to have 1 healthy one, thats ok too) and if this process takes a few years, the clock is ticking.  So, I have agreed to give it a try this month.  The Dr gave me the timeline of everything and what to do and she's like, 2 weeks after that we'll know.  My stomach dropped and I was shaking a little thinking about it.  Don't get me wrong it is very exciting and I see babies and I can't wait, but then the other part of me says oh my gosh, things are going ok now, why mess them up!  I'm just all over the place!  I would imagine it's like this for a long time now :)

WIth that, I'm done.  Tomorrow is day 1 of 5 pills and we'll see what happens.  I just hope it's the right decision!